How to Support an ADHD Loved One Without Becoming Their Project Manager

If your partner’s Google Calendar has your name on it more than theirs, this one’s for you.

Loving someone with ADHD can be wonderful, unpredictable, hilarious, creative, full of heart - but let’s be honest… it can also be a lot. You want to help. You see them struggle with things that seem simple. You jump in to save the day. But somewhere between “supportive” and “exhausted,” you realise you’ve accidentally become their project manager.

Here’s the thing: ADHD absolutely affects how people manage time, focus, and follow-through. But when help turns into micromanagement (“Did you send that email?” “You forgot again?!”), both of you end up frustrated.

One of you feels controlled, the other feels unappreciated - and nobody feels connected.

Support that feels like supervision kills intimacy and joy.

Instead of telling them what to do, try asking what would help. Swap “You need to…” for “How can I make this easier?” or “Why can’t you just…” for “What’s getting in the way right now?” Tiny language shifts create a massive emotional difference.

Real support isn’t about taking over. It’s about building systems that make life lighter for both of you. So try validating before problem-solving (“That must be frustrating, want to talk it through?”), sharing the load, not the blame and most importantly, let them try their way, even if it’s not how you would do it.

Because at the end of the day, the goal isn’t to manage their ADHD or shame it into going away. It’s to nurture a relationship where both of you feel seen, capable, and safe allowing your ADHDer to unmask and be honest in their struggles because only then can you meet them where they are and grow together.

The best way to support someone with ADHD is to believe in their capacity, even when they doubt it themselves.

So this week, ask yourself: where can I show love without taking over?

If that hits home, Support Coaching can help you find balance, boundaries, and a way to care that doesn’t leave you burnt out.